Family mornings are so stressful as a lot of things are happening at the same time. Kids have to get out of bed, get clothes on, have something to eat, get everything for school and go from home to wherever they’re going for the rest of the day, and they usually have to do all of this in a short period. Without a set plan, little things slowing down can easily lead to arguments. Experts on families say that mornings go better not because of how fast you do things, but because of having a habit, being ready ahead of time, and not expecting too much.
Kids generally do better with a routine if they know what to anticipate. For a family each day, this means mornings are easier when the order of things is something they’re used to, repeated many times so there’s not as much guessing. A child who expects to wake up, then get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth and then go, won’t need to be told over and over what to do, unlike a child whose morning is different every single day.
Why Morning Stress Builds So Quickly
Mornings are usually more difficult if you leave lots of choices to be made during the busiest time. Mum or Dad are often searching for shoes, getting lunch ready, locating homework, and deciding on the kids’ clothes, all while keeping an eye on the time. And the children, at the same time, are still becoming fully awake and emotionally ready, so they aren’t necessarily able to react to things quickly or without upset.
Family routine specialists frequently say that things get more stressful when you’re hoping for a certain morning experience but your routine doesn’t allow for it. Without a set way of doing things, things ready to go, or any extra time allowed for things to go wrong, a calm morning is harder to achieve. Typically, it’s not just what a child does that causes the problem, it’s the strain from the way the morning is organized around that.
Preparation the Night Before Can Change the Tone of the Morning
To make mornings easier, it’s a really good idea to do as much deciding as you can the night before. So, you can get the backpack ready, put shoes at the door, make lunches, and pick out clothes. These things don’t take long, but they mean you have less to think about and do when you’re in a rush.
Kids benefit from doing things in the evening as well. Knowing what’s happening tomorrow makes things more predictable for them. A quick tidy up and plan at bedtime cuts down on the crazy hunt for things and desperate fixes at the very last minute. When the important things are all sorted, families frequently discover their mornings are much calmer and don’t feel like they’re just dealing with whatever happens to come up.
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Children Usually Do Better With a Repeated Sequence
Doing the same things in the same order each morning can really help both adults and kids cope with the craziness. Little ones do well with a short set of steps they can learn by heart, and older kids might do better with a list on the fridge or just knowing what’s expected of them each time. The whole point isn’t to tell everyone what to do every single minute, but to have fewer arguments while trying to get out the door.
Families generally find things go smoother when the morning order is something you can easily recall. For example, waking up, getting dressed, breakfast, brushing your teeth, and then shoes is much easier to manage than a complicated plan with lots of different things to do. When you do something over and over, it feels like a natural thing to do, not something you are being told to do.
Morning Routines Work Better When They Match a Child’s Development
Parents (and other grown-ups) will occasionally want kids to get ready quickly and do things by themselves as if they were older, but that’s often too much to ask for their age. For example, a preschooler will probably still require someone to help with clothes and a little nudge to keep doing what they’re supposed to. And an older child at school can do a lot more on their own, but probably still benefits from a set schedule.
Things go much more easily in the mornings when families get the jobs to do to match how a child is developing. Kids can absolutely help, but what we ask of them needs to be something they are truly capable of handling. When you do that, you generally find much less aggravation, and mornings are less likely to be the same fight over and over.
Conflict Often Decreases When Adults Use Fewer Words
When we’re all in a hurry in the morning, we often find ourselves giving kids lots of directions, telling them what not to do, and repeating ourselves over and over. And it makes sense why we do that, but it can be too much for kids and quickly make everyone feel more stressed. A lot of the time, telling them things in a shorter way and repeating them calmly is a much better approach than giving long explanations when you’re trying to get out the door.
Kids usually have a simpler time with quick, straightforward suggestions. Saying “Shoes now” or “Eat breakfast first” is likely to get a better response than a longer, exasperated speech. We aren’t trying to have everyone be totally quiet in the morning, only to have conversations that are specific enough for children to understand what’s expected of them.
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Consistency Matters More Than Perfection
Every family has mornings that are rough going. Kids get worn out, something will come up to hold you back, and plans will be altered. It’s generally how well you can get back to your regular way of doing things after a bad morning that is most important. A system you can use successfully most of the time is much more helpful to families than a perfect plan that quickly breaks down.
Predictable things happening in order, getting stuff ready the night before, and having expectations that suit how your family really is, usually make mornings easier. With those things in place, mornings are likely to feel a lot less like a crisis and more like something you can handle, with a lot less arguing.
Key Takeaway
Mornings with the family tend to go a lot more smoothly if you plan things out beforehand, do them the same way each time, and make sure what you’re asking of your kids is right for how old they are. If you have an easy order of things, make as few decisions as possible at the last minute, and speak to each other in a relaxed way, arguments will be less frequent and everyone will get going with the day without as much anxiety. You aren’t aiming for flawlessly perfect mornings; what you want is a schedule that actually works to do over and over, and one you can get back to even when things have been tough.