Lots of families create rules about using phones, tablets and things like that with the aim of doing good, but after only a little while, these rules are hard to actually get everyone to follow. Screens are now used for school, to talk to people, for fun and just how things happen each day, so banning them completely isn’t something people can easily manage for long. Doctors who look after children mostly say a far more sensible plan is to have rules about devices that are easy to understand, that are applied in the same way all the time, and are actually possible to manage within the family’s life.
The American Academy of Pediatrics says families should make a plan for media use that suits how they live, what they normally do and what they think is important. This is in line with what most experts believe, which is that families are better off having a sensible framework than being anxious or extremely strict.
Start by Deciding What Screens Should Not Interrupt
It’s a lot more effective to start with what’s important to your family, rather than with what the kids aren’t allowed to do with their devices when you’re trying to establish healthier rules for them. Families usually get better results if they first think about what needs to be given priority – things like bedtime, dinner, schoolwork, playing outside, and actually talking to each other. After you’ve clarified those important areas, it’s much simpler to work out and enforce rules about screens.
This way of doing things helps kids see that phones, tablets, and computers aren’t the whole point of being a family. Instead of family life revolving around screens, screen time fits into the schedule of things you value. Those who study this sort of thing generally prefer this system, as it connects rules about devices to being healthy and the way your family operates, rather than having arguments about technology be the only source of problems.
Use Clear Limits Instead of Constant Negotiation
Rules about phones and tablets (or anything similar) often fail when you have to argue about it all the time at the moment. If you’re stuck in a nightly discussion about one more video, one more level of the game, the rule isn’t going to last. Kids do much better with simple, straightforward limits that you say the same way each time, for example, no devices at dinner, no screens past a certain time, and finishing homework before watching something or playing.
The American Academy of Pediatrics’ suggestions for families with media use are about having clear lines for how much time, what you’re looking at, and where you are when you’re using it. It’s simpler for everyone to understand the rules when they are detailed enough to be said over and over, and this also stops parents from having to think up a decision on the fly when they are already tired or not paying full attention.
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Bedrooms and Bedtime Usually Need Stronger Boundaries
Kids’ sleep is really commonly disrupted by using phones, tablets, and so on. HealthyChildren recommends no screens in the bedroom and getting everything switched off before bed. This is because of proof that screens mess with a child’s usual way of getting to sleep, push bedtime later and make it harder for them to relax.
For a family, it’s generally simpler to enforce bedtime if devices are charged somewhere not in bedrooms, and if screen time always finishes at a set time in the evening. This means less arguing at the very end of the day, and it’s less likely screens will be part of what happens as they’re trying to sleep. As a matter of fact, setting limits on screens in bedrooms often helps the whole family be happier than lots of other rules about devices.
Parents Often Need House Rules, Not Child-Only Rules
Kids are pretty fast to realize if the rules about phones and tablets are just for them. Families generally do better if they make house rules about devices that everybody can see are happening. For instance, mealtimes with no screens, phone charging in the kitchen or living room, or periods where mums and dads put their devices away too.
Family communication specialists often say that what adults do is important. If adults do some of the same things as the rules ask of the children, the kids are much more inclined to think of the device rules as simply how the family operates, and not just something done to them. It doesn’t mean everyone of all ages has the exact same rules, but things being visibly consistent is usually important.
Better Device Rules Work Best With Replacement Activities
Arguments about screen time get worse if a child or teen just has a device taken away and is left without anything else to do. Families usually find it’s helpful to have other things planned: going to play outside, reading, board games, drawing, listening to music, or a regular family time that happens when the screen goes off. This is particularly true for smaller children, since they have a harder time with sudden changes.
Most people who study kids agree with this idea. Kids tend to cope with screen time limits better when those limits are along with a plan for what to do instead. If you just replace screens with boredom and fighting, the rules for limiting screen time will be much harder to keep. But if you swap the screen for something they are expecting to do, it’s a lot easier to move from one to the other.
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Consistency Usually Matters More Than Strictness
Rules about devices that work best are usually not the strictest. Instead, they’re the ones a family can really keep doing week after week. A sensible plan that looks after sleep, schoolwork, being active, and spending time with each other is generally a lot more helpful than a very strict rule that falls apart after only a few days.
And you build healthier boundaries for device use by doing things over and over, not with one big change. When families have expectations that are easy to understand, in plain sight, and achievable, they have a better chance of forming media habits which will continue to be used.
Key Takeaway
When you set up reasonable device guidelines, they’re more likely to stay in place if everyone understands them, they’re something you can actually do, and they relate to what’s important to your family. Most of the people who know about this sort of thing say to first focus on making sure everyone gets enough sleep, eats together, gets school work done, is active, and spends time with each other; then figure out where screens fit into everything. And rules about where and when devices are used in bedrooms and at bedtime are particularly vital. For the majority of families, having rules you enforce regularly, with other things for people to do instead of screens, is a lot more effective than really strict limits that are hard to keep going.